Brews And A Blog: Episode 2

Well, boys and girls it's Saturday night and I've got nothing really going on, so I figured I should check in with all of you before Wrath of the Lich King shatters what little bit of a social life I have. So let's get this thing fired up...

=== Starting Beer 1 ... ===

This afternoon, I took a trip up to Concord with my father. I had decided to go up on a tip from a coworker about a little establishment called "Barb's Beer Emporium." So for the better part of an hour I sat in a car with my dad accompanied by awkward silence, broken up occasionally by small talk.

Finding the place was the easiest part of the trip. Literally, the place is conveniently located on North Main Street. It's roughly the size of a convenience store, which makes sense because that's what used to be there according to the various online newspaper articles I read about it.

The most prominent feature of this establishment is the wall of microbrew coolers. I probably should have written a couple of names down because I'm having some difficulty remembering what was there.

=== Beer 1 complete! Starting Beer 2... ===

They also give you the option of mixing a 6 pack for about $10. I'll admit that's a little steep for a six-pack, but what you really pay for is the variety. Not to mention the fact that I can try new kinds of beer without having to commit to an entire six-pack or go out to a bar and run the risk of socializing. (Ba-dum-tish.)

I ended up picking up two mixed six-packs, one with some brands like Magic Hat and Flying Dog and a second one that consisted of some Sam Adams flavors that I have yet to sample.

My father and I were there for a lot less time than it took us to actually get there, but we did come to the conclusion that we would both be back again soon. My dad even ended up cracking a joke about how if my mother had gone he'd be bankrupt, then we both laughed in that nervous sort of "Oh shit, that's actually true" sort of way.

So anyways, that's Barb's Beer Emporium located on 208 North Main Street in Concord, NH. Stop on by if you're in the area, it's worth the trip.

Brews And A Blog: Episode 1

So it's Saturday night and I'm feeling creative so I've decided to start up a new blog series which I have entitled: Brews And A Blog. In which I have a few beers (I'm not driving, you know who) and attempt to write a blog entry about whatever comes to mind. It's probably been done before, but now I'm doing it so nyah!

=== Starting Beer 1... ===

Tonight I'm enjoying some of Shipyard's Pumpkinhead ale, a delightful blend that my father describes as "like drinking a pumpkin pie." Fortunately, as far as I know I'm actually the only one in my house that enjoys it so the six-pack I bought is all mine. Moving on.

Call me behind in entertainment news, but I've only been recently been made aware of the remake of the horror classic Friday the 13th and I'm (quite rightfully) pissed off about it.

=== Beer 1 Complete! Starting Beer 2... ===

You might think I'm daft or idealistic, but I'm not entirely opposed to remakes. If they're done well they can enhance the ability to tell a story with the aid of technology that wasn't necessarily available at the time. Take for example... um... let me get back to you on that one.

Unfortunately, remakes are rarely (read: NEVER) ever done well. It seems to me that due to the advances in special effects technology that directors and writers are willing to sacrifice a good story in the name of some whiz-bang-pow CGI bullshit or over the top sex appeal.

This seems to be especially present in the horror genre. Sticking to the topic of remakes, the formula for updating a classic horror story seems to be:

• Step 1: Find a well known and beloved franchise that features a compelling story that hasn't had a sequel in a couple of years.


• Step 2: Do the ol' Ctrl-C Ctrl-V on the original script into your favorite word processing program.


• Step 3: Go through the script and remove anything and everything that made the original a masterpiece. This includes the following:
  
  
  • Plot twists
  
  
  • Underlying Social Commentary
  
  
  • Lovable, well-rounded characters
  
  
  • Anything that actually makes the film scary (like suspense and any music that doesn't feature a top 40 artist)
  
  
• Step 4: After having thoroughly removed the above, replace it all with over the top violence and tits.

=== Beer 2 Complete! Starting Beer 3... ===

Let me say before I continue that I'm not opposed to violence and tits (especially not the latter of the two, there's more than a few people who will back me up on that). But there's a time and a place for everything. If I want violence without a plot, I can watch an action movie and if I want tits, I'll watch a pornographic movie, browse 4chan, or head down to one of those bars where the girls show off the lady business in exchange for cash (refer to the "more than a few people" comment).

It seems to me that what makes a "good" horror movie nowadays is having more fake blood than "Strange Brew" had beer, but gory doesn't always mean scary. If that were the case then Saving Private Ryan would be a horror flick based solely on the first 20 minutes. Unfortunately, the over the top gore and tits seems to define the modern horror movie, and it doesn't just bring down individual movies, it brings down the entire genre.

=== Beer 3 Complete! Starting Beer 4... ===

The film industry says they don't make enough money from movies while at the same time seemingly refusing to come up with new franchises and storylines. In programming you get out what you put in and that's exactly what I say every time I hear about any member of big entertainment (RIAA, MPAA etc etc) bitching about losing profits to downloading. Put some effort in you bastards and you just might get something out of it.

Now I know I can't realistically stop studios from making the movies they do, but I will ask the douches in Hollywood to stop ruining classic stories and make their shit movies based on their own ideas. Here's an idea for the perfect modern horror flick: A large-bossomed succubus rises from hell to terrorize a town inhabited entirely by oversexed nudist lesbian hemophiliac supermodels.

There, see, if I can do it with almost 4 beers in me, surely you over-paid hollywood twats (that's the English pronounciation, rhymes with "at" instead of "ought") can some up with something better what with all of your access to coke, heroin, and high-priced hookers. Better get your offers in for "The Day Titsy the Succubus Attacked Supermodel-ville" before somebody in the porn industry gets their mitts on it. Although, they might do it better since they would be shooting for a more "marketable" PG-13 rating.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to finish off my six-pack and pass out on the living room floor.

Chode on the Road: Day 5 - Recovery and the Long Trip Home

Last night I appeared on "It Is Slack," a comedy radio show on WMPG along with Brian Brinegar and Cloud Morris, and it was nothing short of AMAZING. There were callers and jokes flying about. Everyone had an amazing time and I just hope to God that the Safe Harbor thingamajig will keep me out of trouble (ha ha ha ha....). I want to thank Dan and Jim for putting on a hell of a show, Brian Brinegar for helping me get on the show, Cloud for coming along with his voices and jokes and a huge thanks to Eabha for driving our asses through Portland to and from the studio. It's been one hell of a trip, filled with jokes, alcohol, laughter and I can't wait to get the chance to do a comedy bender again, but at the same time, I'm looking forward to getting home. Peace!

Chode on the Road: Day 4 - Coming Full Circle

Last night.... last night was just awesome. Just fucking awesome. Slainte was amazing as always. Things got crazy at the after party. A bunch of us went back to Brian Brinegar's place. All I'm gonna say is that there were some SERIOUS shenanigans going on. I got insanely drunk, spilled beers, drank PBR, finally remembered Payson's name, hit the floor a couple of times, and I think I made some alien/devil-possessed noises at one point or several. Everyone there was getting crazy! We were all partying like rockstars (minus the big 1980's hair)! I want to thank everyone I know from Slainte again for making everything I've done up to this point possible. I. Fucking. Love. Portland.

Chode on the Road: Day 3 - Do or Die (Part 2)

It's about quarter to 1pm right now. Last night I was at the Empire for Stand Up Sit Down, a night which will undoubtedly be known as the Night of Many Brians. Even I was a Brian for the evening. I got SUPER drunk that night, which seems to have been my M.O. for the past couple of sets I've done up here in Portland. Goddamn, I love this town. Most of my stuff went over really well, which I consider a good thing since I only knew Brinegar, Giles, the Brian formerly known as Country Rhodes and the Brian formerly known as The Fuge. Everyone put on one hell of a show, especially the Brians mentioned in the previous sentence as well as the piano man whose name (like most of the night) escapes my memory right now. I think the only bad thing about the night was beginning to sober up right in the middle of my drunken stage shenanigans. All in all, I had a fucking BLAST (and that's the most important thing)!! I want to thank everyone at the Empire, Rhodes, Fuge, Giles, Brinegar, and the piano man for making it all possible. And a shout out to the folks at ASAP Taxi, whose services I used last night to get back and forth from the show safely. I am most definitely looking forward to heading down to Slainte this evening, down on Preble street for the open mike hosted by Brian Brinegar. It's gonna be smashing!

Chode on the Road: Day 3 - Do or Die (Part 1)

Chode on the Road: Day 3 - Do or Die (Part 1) As I write this blog entry, I'm sitting at the Empire in Portland, ME, awaiting the start of Stand Up Sit Down. I've got a beer and my camera on the left. And my mind is awash with fear, anxiety, and a billion possible outcomes. Some good, some bad. Hold up-- Change of course here: About ten seconds from the beginning of this paragraph, I finished a brief conversation with The Fuge. Talking to him helped me realize now that I am absolutely pumped to do this show. I've got adrenaline in my veins, I'm excited, afraid, maybe a little drunk. And I hope that I never lose this feeling before I do a set. I realize now that this rush is the reason I do comedy. The most I could ever want from tonight is to never lose this feeling. I've hardly slept over the past couple of days, and I've never had more energy before now than I have at this very moment. I'm gonna go and get some air. Before I forget, I want to thank everyone at Slainte for making this possible. You've all been very supportive of me from the awkward virgin phase to my not-quite-as-awkward virgin phase. Your encouragement, your advice and just knowing that you've all believed in me has made this all worthwhile and given me the confidence I need to pull this thing off. And for that I thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Tonight is going to be great no matter what happens. Time to get a little air.

Chode on the Road: Day 2 - Trial By Fire

Dang. Last night was.... well... pretty rough. I'm not gonna try to think about it though, LaChiquita always feels tough to me. I'm just gonna focus on how I did at Donohue's the night before. Tonight is the big night, my first real show. I'm doing Sit Down Stand Up at the Empire in Portland, ME. After that, I'll likely be drinking until tomorrow morning.

Chode on the Road: Day 1 - It Begins

Wow. Just freakin' wow. Last night at Donohue's was a blast and a half. This was a new room for me, so I stuck to mostly old material and got a really great response. I got a chance to meet some really awesome people, and even met up with Chris Pennie, who I haven't really seen since my early days at the Bridge Café. I went down with Robin Nitschelm, a fellow NH/ME comic who kicked some serious ass. A huge thanks to her for driving down. (If I was driving, we'd still probably be down there now.) And an even bigger thanks to her for inspiring some new material. I managed to document some of the trip, with the exception of my actual set (accidental deletion, still learning the camera). Anyways, I got some footage that I hope will be worthy to show everyone. I should get a chance to look through it on Thursday morning and possibly get some stuff out. As for tonight, I'm heading down to LaChiquita's in Salisbury, MA for the open mike hosted by Dave Rattigan. I haven't been down there in a long ass time, and I'm really looking forward to going back! Documentation of the evenings events will follow at a later point in time.

Nothing can prepare you for... *SCHEDULE UPDATED 8/19/2008*

Nothing can prepare you for the biggest thing to hit New England since the invention of the tree. Okay, I'm over exaggerating, but starting on Monday I am going on what will be my first real comedy bender (I call it a bender since every time I do stand up, I end up drinking). I have dubbed this momentus event: Chode on the Road 2008 Here's a breakdown of the schedule: Monday, August 18 - Doubled Over At Donohue's, Watertown, MA - Hosted by Todd Symonds (more info here: click me) Tuesday, August 19 - Open Mike at La Chiquita's, Salisbury, MA - Hosted by Dave Rattigan Wednesday, August 20 - Sit Down Stand Up - Empire Dine and Dance, Portland, ME - Hosted by Country Rhodes and The Fuge Thursday, August 21 - The Two Funny Guys and Ross Show - Portland, ME - Listen to this froiken hilarious podcast here Also, if time allows, I'll be at the open mike at Slainte on Preble Street in Portland, hosted by Brian Brinegar **EDIT EDIT EDIT** The appearance on The Two Funny Guys and Ross Show has been postponed, so on Thursday, I will definitely be at Slainte. In the meantime, you can listen to The Two Funny Guys and Ross archives on their website (link above). That shit is hilarious. *** END EDIT *** Friday, August 22 - This day will likely be devoted entirely to drunken shenanigans. Of course, similar shenanigans will probably ensue on the other days, depending on whether or not I have more than one drink. I managed to get a hotel room up in Portland for Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. If anyone's got any suggestions for sightseeing or other things I should take the time to partake in while I'm up there, feel free to make your suggestions known. I don't have much planned for Portland other than the comedic... things. More details and further documentation to follow as the information becomes available. Peace!